Update (02/01/2014): We are not divorced, but we are officially separated, I no longer officially live with my wife, although we are staying with each-other most of the time.
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It's 3 Years since we met on the 5th,
The same time in marriage in a few months too...
But It's not much of a time to celebrate. Sadly we held off Valentines day for the 5th. But now we have not only no money for it, but no reason to carry on as we are.
Today, we agreed to get divorced.
It's not because we dislike each other.
It's not because of any differences.
It's not because of some misunderstandings.
It is some external family pressures we cannot settle,
It's also some sensitive circumstances and health issues that we cannot control or resolve.
We still love each other, madly, deeply, but these issues are unsolvable and too painful for us to bear any longer.
We are both sorry, both regretful, of this decision.
Our time to make think work has ended at a Junction of despair and broken dreams that we both share.
As of now we will reamin living together until I can find a place to live. But this requires an income that can cover at
least £600p/m in rent, utility bill and food costs, among other things like transport and the other monthly/daily
essentials.
At this time since February I am being employed on a low income by my father, who himself is looking for work, and will not
be able to sustain my job or give me a correlating pay rise unless we turn a profit soon.
Life in this house with my wife is difficult, to say the least.
The family is full of haunting issues from the past, negative vibes, and over demanding young ans stubborn and controlling
children, who naturally take advantage of their mother's kind heart and are too wrapped up in their own thoughts and
teenage lives to take on and help with their mother's nervous disorder and settling in with a step dad. All the kids are
angry and depressed. It sucks!
This is a house with 5 children of Yolanda's 7, and the two of us.
We live in this house with four bedrooms, very narrow hallways and inadequately sized rooms for storage and privacy.
Like Sardines. Like a pressure cooker some days.
One elder child has serious, diagnosed but untreated anger and psychological issues and has affected life in the house and
our relationship very badly. If it wasn't for the Welfare Cuts he would have the care he needs. But Yolanda has to care for
him, and it's a very hard, and terrifying job.
I wont' even go into the horrid and violent events that have occurred.
Please don't be angered though, it is Illness and he has been abandoned by David Cameron's Government, Social Services, and
ATOS.
I am being mentally crippled by this. Yet I share a special kind of love and embrace a most beautiful personal relationship
with Yolanda. She is the most loving woman I have ever known. She is an A* carer, often discarding her own feelings and
time for others, always aiming to please and heal people, and incredibly eager to solve issues as soon as possible, no
matter what has happened to her.
I have many conditions of my own, as doctors have told me, Aspergers is one of them, which often causes me to misinterpret
my surroundings, body language, and conversation, and I am often socially awkward, and a bad organiser, all of which
Yolanda married into, yet perceiveered in helping me with. And me myself who unwittingly never knew the depths of Yolanda's
Nervous disposition, and her children's unpredictable moods, rudeness, and general misbehaviour. Before I came along it
seems they were used to getting away with a lot of things until I arrived. Yolanda though I had lived with my Ex Girlfriend
and her kids, but it was not the case, although I spent a huge amount of time with them and the kids did love me. I was
able to be wacky and fun back then, but the Girlfriend then was a lying cheating and deceitful scumbag drug addict, and
after 7 years of effort and being used and "recycled", my feelings changed immediately after my last "disposal" by her. I
grew up and realised I could do better, and all of a sudden my cinderella appeared. Long gone was the proverbial ugly
sister from my personal affairs, and sadly also her children.
Yolanda was and still is an amazing Bright light of hope and beauty to me.
When we got married, we did it because the LDS Church Missionaries convinced us to do it as soon as we could, but we both
knew we weren't quite ready, and after marriage they stayed involved, too involved, and ruined the relationship that was
being developed with the children. There had been a problem with members in the past that destroyed a family relationship
with another member, a basic case of sticking their nosing and cutting them off. This broke the kids hearts, and the friend
was brainwashed into abandoning the relationship they all shared with him. This caused much anger and the childrens
withdrwal from the church, they were very hurt. Long story short, the church alienated the children from me with thier
insistence to involve me in convincing them to rejoin, and almost bi-daily home visits to enforce it. But they did not take
regard for the despondence and distancing caused within the family.
The Eldest son never attended our weddin, he always dissagreed with the idea, he thought I was not ready. One thing he has
been right about at least.
Suffice to say I got pissed and told them kindly to get lost and never went back to the chapel again!
During this time the eldest son discovered a crack in the churches history, with breadcrumbs that led to a HUGE case of
corruption and rewritings/burnings of original books early on. This hurt Yolanda alot, she had been an extremely active
member until the aforementioned event occured, almost 30 YEARS was her time with them. She discovered more and more about
the evil and manipulative ways perpetually hidden within, but we worked on it together. But sadly this also re-inforced
reasons for the children to misbehave.
My efforts have been monumental, looking after my wife's nervous condition, and Yolnda returning the favour when the kids
attack me. commanded at her ATOS interview not to work, with uncaring children that refuse to tidy after themselves or help
around the house on most days, leaving their mother to do all the work, me, mostly cowering in the bedroom, and
occasionally trying to comfort Yolanda, getting pissed off at the kids.
All I can say is that we tried, we ran away, chased eechother, misssed and kissed eachother, and healed eachother's issues
from our pasts, both having had abusive partners in the past so on.
Our relationship is still beautiful! But sadly is is marred, bogged down by circumstance, poverty, compact cohabitation,
our financial inability to enjoy life as we'd wsh to as a couple and family. Many things really.
But was and still is everything but our relationships that is ending our time in marriage.
The complications are too great.occasionally, and becoming silent at times and restrained, even avoiding any kind of joint
activity with anyone. I didn't want to explain my situaton to my friends, or ask for help, with the fac of it's
complications, too much to tell at once, fearful of judgement!
I statred drinking. I swore. Alot. I cursed, I yelled, I clammed up, I threw stuff, broke stuff, and Yolanda suffered for
it, for me. For us. She saved our relationship so many times. She wanted things to work.
But our love continues, and I am sure it always will!
Just please, if you value me as a friend, no "told you so"s or "I knew this would happen/wasnt right" remarks.
I simply lose respect for you.
Basically the kids have banded together and said enough is enough and asked for a divorce.
